Good afternoon. I hope we're not bothering you.
Actually, I'm just...
We really won't take up much of your time.
I'm just waiting for a call...
We're all waiting, ma'am,
for the good Lord to call in his flock.
From the cable TV people.
I'm just moving in.
God bless.
Good afternoon.
I hope... we're not bothering...
Yes?
You're... Weren't you...?
Yeah, didn't we just...?
Didn't you just what?
Speak to you.
Excuse me?
We just spoke to a woman who...
could have been your twin.
What are you talking about?
Yeah, just down the street--
she's just moving in-- your spitting image.
You're really not going to believe it when you see her.
Ma'am?
Go away! Get out of here!
Cuff him!
Betty Templeton? Yes?
We're with the FBI.
We'd like to ask about an incident--
a possible religious hate crime in your neighborhood.
I just moved in yesterday.
I don't know anything about any incident.
Well, we have two young men in the car
who say you do know something.
Oh, my God.
Those are the boys that were here yesterday.
What happened?
They were beaten to within an inch of their lives
by each other after visiting the home of a woman
living a few blocks over.
What woman?
A woman who, by both young men's accounts,
fits your description.
She, uh... lives around here?
Are you a practitioner of the occult, Miss Templeton?
Wicca? Voodoo? Satanism?
The black art of bodily bilocation?
Me? No.
You know what they say--
everyone has a twin out there somewhere.
No, we don't know what they say.
Well, if there's someone who fits my description,
why isn't someone talking to her?
We went over to the house, but it's empty.
No one lives there.
Frankly, we're not even sure she exists.
This is an FBI fleet sedan
from our Kansas City field office,
requisitioned by two seasoned agents there,
driven into a tree at 43 miles an hour by the female agent
in a novel effort to kill her male counterpart.
Now, you might think I'm going to suggest psychokinesis-- PK--
someone or something controlling the agents
with remote, mind-bending power.
But it's not?
Both agents
sustained critical injuries.
Their stories eerily similar,
as if they temporarily lost control of their minds,
unable to alter their behavior.
You may think
that I'm going to say it's past lives unresolved
or fate stalking the agents like an animal.
But you're not? No.
The interesting thing about these agents
is that they had worked together
for seven years previously without any incident.
Seven years?
Yeah, but they are not romantically involved,
if that's what you're thinking.
Not even I would be so farfetched.
You have any ideas, Scully,
any thoughts?
What I'm thinking, Mulder,
is how familiar this seems.
Playing Watson to your Sherlock.
You dangling clues
out in front of me one by one.
It's a game, and...
and, as usual, you're holding something back from me.
You're not telling me
something about this case.
Hmm.
Okay, so these agents were investigating something.
Something... much like
what they themselves were almost killed by.
Uh, something they came into contact with.
Uh...
third party.
Two third parties.
Twins.
Relatives.
A doppelganger.
A corporeal likeness that appears unbidden
from the spirit world,
the sight of which presages one's own death.
Or... a double, conjured into the world
by a technique called bilocation,
which in
psychological terms,
represents the person's secret desires
and impulses
committing acts that the real person
cannot commit himself.
Or herself.
Mulder, the slide, please.
Yes!
Don't go thinking I'm going to start doing the autopsies.
Excuse me.
Hi. I applied for the sales job you posted.
Ah, yeah, I remember.
How could I forget?
Excuse me?
Uh, there's a problem
with your application, as I recall, Miss...
Pfeiffer.
Are you sure?
Lulu Pfeiffer.
Yes. You reside at 15527 Moreton Bay Street?
Not any longer; I've moved.
You moved?
Yes, and I don't have my new address yet.
Actually, Miss Pfeiffer,
that's what's sending up the red flag.
You move a lot.
And there's also your employment history-- 17 jobs
in 17 states in the past three years?
You seem to have as many jobs here
as you have addresses.
I had a restless streak.
Well, the copy business takes a motivated person.
Oh, I'm an extremely versatile employee,
as you can see by my resume.
Well, what I can tell is you've left a variety of jobs:
Mongolian barbecue chef, high-rise window washer,
wild animal trainer, palm reader.
Yes, but I am on a career path now.
Hey, what's going on here?
All my copies are black!
My machine's going crazy.
Who's running this place?
I can start you immediately.
There's a clean uniform in the employee washroom.
That's quite a string of positions you've had, Miss...
Templeton.
17 jobs in the last three years.
I would've listed more,
but there wasn't any room left on your form.
17's plenty, believe me.
I think you'll find my former employers
will only give the highest personal references.
It's not your references, it's the jobs themselves.
Mongolian barbecue chef, high-rise window washer,
wild animal trainer?
I'm a highly versatile employee.
What guarantee do I have
that you won't just up and quit tomorrow?
You have my personal word on it.
I'm here in Kansas City to stay.
Who is it?
Mr. Zupanic, it's the FBI.
Excuse me?
It's the FBI, Mr. Zupanic.
Open up.
Give me a minute.
Bert Zupanic?
Yeah?
We're hoping you can help us
find the whereabouts of a woman
we think you're familiar with,
a Betty Templeton.
I don't know no Betty Templeton.
Maybe you should take another look
at that photograph, Mr. Zupanic.
Five-foot-three, red hair.
Maybe I can jog your memory.
Are you still pleading ignorance, Mr. Zupanic?
Is that not you in last year's
Fourth of July parade?
Yeah.
And who's that sitting next to you?
Her?
Try Betty Templeton.
We can't find her, Mr. Zupanic.
She seems to have left town in a hurry.
She did?
Mm-hmm.
Didn't she used to live
on Moreton Bay in a pink house?
Alderwood, blue house.
On Alderwood?
Mr. Zupanic,
do you have any reason to be lying to us?
No, sir... I mean, ma'am.
Thank you, Mr. Zupanic.
I've no doubt we'll be
in touch with you.
You know what I'm thinking?
That Mr. Zupanic not only knows Betty Templeton
and where we can find her, but that he is hip to
whatever she's into, and that I should take a look
at that house he mentioned on Moreton Bay Street
while you go and find out from Mr. Zupanic
what it is exactly that he's clearly hiding
about Betty Templeton.
I'm thinking that Bert Zupanic
really truly doesn't know Betty Templeton.
Well, I guess that's why they put the "I" in the FBI.
♪ I'm going to be standing on the corner ♪
♪ Of 12th and Vine ♪
♪ Going to be standing on the corner ♪
♪ Of 12th street and Vine... ♪
Let me get a double, Freddie.
I thought you're in training, Bert my man.
Would you just pour?
♪ Well, I might take a train ♪
♪ I might take a plane ♪
♪ But if I have to walk ♪
♪ I'm going just the same ♪
♪ I'm going to Kansas City ♪
♪ Kansas City here I come... ♪
Nice outfit.
♪ They got some crazy little women there... ♪
Freddie, fire in the hole.
Seven and seven for the lady,
and make it stiff.
Oh, my God.
How did you do that?
Do what?
How did you know my drink?
I feel like you're looking right through me.
Like you're reading my soul like a book.
Maybe you've had enough of that.
You are in trouble, aren't you?
I don't know.
I could be.
What kind of trouble you looking for?
You don't want to go home tonight, okay?
It just so happens I don't got a home to go to.
Anyway...
I'm Betty Templeton.
Alderwood Avenue?
My God.
I'm shaking.
Betty Templeton.
Oh, that's-that's perfect.
I got to take care of...
Hey, Scully!
I want you to meet a buddy of mine.
It's Mr. Argyle Sapersteen.
Stein. Saperstein.
Excuse me.
Ma'anish ta na.
This is my partner, Dana Scully.
Pleasure and an honor.
So I take it from your posture, Mulder,
you solved this case.
Not solved it, but I have narrowed down the search
for our perpetrator with the kind help
of Mr. Saperstein here.
Narrowed it down to where?
Right down there.
Our mystery woman is indeed involved
with Mr. Bert Zupanic, the man we spoke to at his hotel,
who will be fighting here two days hence
with the mystery woman almost undoubtedly in attendance.
If it's the lady I'm thinking,
she's not much to look at, but he says she brings him luck.
Bert Zupanic is a boxer?
A wrestler-- semipro.
So what? We wait around Kansas City for a couple of days
until we can talk with this woman?
Well, there's lots to do here,
and the barbecue's second to none,
right, Mr. Saperstein? Plus Mr. Saperstein's
going to show me some in-your-face, smack-down moves,
so I can quit getting my ass kicked
so often, right?
Oh, and there's an art exhibit
that traces the influence of Soviet art on the, uh,
American pop culture, right?
Unless, of course,
you've already found Betty Templeton.
Well, finding Betty Templeton
won't solve this case, Mulder.
Not unless we find Lulu Pfeiffer.
Who's Lulu Pfeiffer?
Our doppelganger
who lived, until yesterday,
in a pink house on Moreton Bay Street.
But she's not a manifestation, Mulder, she's real,
and so is the path of destruction
that she's left in her wake.
Though there seems to be no connection
of any kind between these two women,
Betty Templeton and Lulu Pfeiffer
have traveled city to city across 17 U.S. states,
one alternately trailing the other for the past 12 years.
And wherever they have been, mayhem has followed.
Damn.
It's not just car accidents
and fistfights, Mulder.
It's house fires and explosions and even riots.
The lady knows her stuff.
Sholom alecheim.
Yeah. Yo' mama.
Hello?
Where's my money?
I got it. I'm bringing it.
Yeah, that's what I heard last night.
Now you got the feds on your ass.
What?
Good luck charm don't sound
so lucky no more, Boychick.
Maybe I should cancel the fight.
I'm bringing the money, okay?
I'm bringing it.
I'm having lunch at Froggy's.
No money, no fight, Titanic.
Are you in trouble or something?
I'm just, uh...
I got to be somewhere, okay?
Why? What time is it?
Oh, God, I'm going to be late for work!
You were incredible.
Why do I find myself
so wildly attracted to you, Bert Zupanic?
You just can't help yourself, baby.
Where were you last night?
Where was I?
Yeah.
Well...
You said, "Meet me for a drink."
That's what you said.
I was there and I was waiting on you.
Are you two-timing me, Bert?
How can you say that?
You're my good luck charm.
Who is she?!
Who is she?
You do not want to get in the ring with me, mister!
Honey, listen.
Come on, baby,
there's nobody under there.
You're acting crazy, sweetie!
I'm going to look under every single...
Hey, I know this hairpin.
Oh, I can explain that.
You lovable lug,
Bert Zupanic.
I'm sorry, baby.
This is mine. Of course it is.
I just get so jealous.
You forgive me?
I forgive you. I'm in training.
You got to go to work.
You're late. No.
I'm just so wildly attracted
to you, Bert Zupanic.
Hey, listen, good looks and charm--
what's not to love, all right?
There's a lot to love.
I know. You go on. But why... all right.
No, you have to go. Will you call me at least?
I'll... You bet. I'm on the phone now, okay?
Bye, baby.
Bert, did I hear voices?
Voices?
I didn't hear any voices.
Oh.
Where's "The Titanic?"
What?
Your boyfriend, the wrestler.
Wow, talk about moves.
I can't believe it.
We barely just met.
He's supposed to meet me, here.
He's coming here?
He'd better be, if he wants that fight Saturday night.
I better go freshen up a little.
I was just coming in for lunch.
Zupanic, hey.
Thought you were a no-show.
Talking to your girlfriend.
My girlfriend?
Holy shoot.
Now, how did she do that?
Do what?
I just saw her.
I swear, I just saw her go to the can.
She... just went... to the can?
Ten seconds ago.
What are you doing here?
I have a business meeting.
Why don't I meet you outside in the park?
Oh, I was just going to get some lunch.
Perfect, we'll have a picnic.
A picnic? We never do that.
Oh, yeah.
Now.
Bert?
I have a little business to attend to, sweetie.
You got more than that to attend to.
Hey, Bert, I only got an hour...
Mr. Zupanic?
Hmm.
What, uh... what happened?
Uh, there was an incident.
You were struck by flying glass.
Did you lose something?
Yeah.
My good luck.
Would that be Betty or Lulu, Mr. Zupanic?
'Cause they're the ones who caused this,
and they'll do it again if we can't find them.
Where are they, Mr. Zupanic?
Excuse me.
Can I help you?
Yes, I'm looking for...
that girl.
Betty.
This man's from the FBI.
Betty Templeton?
I'm just getting off work.
Could we maybe talk some other time?
I think we both know why I'm here.
It's her fault!
Lulu Pfeiffer.
She follows me around
trying to ruin my life.
I'm not going to let her ruin it this time.
It's either me or her.
I don't want to leave Kansas.
Scully.
Hey, Scully,
I found her at Koko's Copy Center.
Betty Templeton?
Yeah.
She says that Lulu Pfeiffer is trying to ruin her life.
Follows her wherever she goes.
Well, Lulu Pfeiffer works at Koko's, too,
and that's exactly what Lulu says about Betty, Mulder.
Except she says that this is the end of the line,
that she's not leaving Kansas.
That's exactly what Betty said.
What's going on here?
I don't know, Scully.
You're running this show.
Why don't you tell me?
Well, I think that this is more
than just physical proximity, Mulder.
I think that these women
have some kind of psychic connection.
No , Sherlock.
Hey, Scully, uh, where's Lulu?
She just took off, Mulder.
She left work and she drove away.
She wouldn't be driving a little blue convertible, would she?
That's exactly what she's driving.
Oh, crap.
Can I help you?
Uh, yes.
I'm looking for someone.
He was here speaking to an employee,
and, uh, I can't seem to reach him.
Tall guy, dark hair?
Yeah.
He left.
And you don't know where he went?
Couldn't say.
However...
I can tell you we have a two-for-one
copy discount in effect.
How about Internet access?
Right this way.
Is he in there?
Yeah, sleeping.
Can you wake him up for me?
Sure you want to do that?
It's important.
Will you two shut up or go away!
Mr. Danfous?
The sound of your voice
is like a jackhammer on my eardrums!
Mr. Danfous, I'm Special Agent Dana Scully with the FBI.
What's so special about you?!
It's an FBI title, sir.
I know it is.
I'm not stupid!
Mr. Danfous, if you'll let me explain why I'm here,
we might be able to get you to bed a little bit sooner.
Ah, what a relief!
Mr. Danfous, through a lot
of matching-up of documents
that I have been able to compile on the Internet,
and by comparing time and space and circumstance,
and by liberally applying the law of averages...
They could electrocute me quicker!
I believe that you may be the father of two daughters.
I'm no father!
Using documents filed by a sperm bank
in Sparta, Illinois,
and by the mothers who may have been impregnated
by your donation...
I Yankee-Doodled into a plastic cup!
Well, be that as it may, sir,
it is very likely that you are the biological father.
And it is very important for their safety,
and for the safety of others,
that we get as much information as possible
about your mother and your father
and anything about your family tree
that may be able to explain the reactions
that are being caused by these two girls.
A big, ugly dog
lifted its leg on my family tree!
Make room for Daddy!
Shut up, you fat ox!
Hello.
You aren't answering your phone?
I'm just screening my calls.
You sleep with me once and now you're avoiding me?
I got...
big trouble, baby.
I got just one shot left at the big time.
Just one.
But you got your match tonight.
Your name's up on the marquee!
I've lost my financing.
You're my good luck, baby.
I am?
It was my good luck to meet you,
and if you could just...
if you could help "The Titanic" find a way...
Find a way?
They say I'm old, I'm washed up.
All I want's a shot.
If I don't get the money, I'm gonna lose my chance.
Maybe I can.
You're not answering your phone?
Lulu?
Someone else you were expecting?
Well?
Baby, I got trouble.
I got big trouble.
Mulder?
Yeah.
Where have you been?
Seeing a side of Kansas City
few men have the privilege to see.
What happened to you?
I got sucked into a storm drain.
what the hell happened
to Betty Templeton and Lulu Pfeiffer?
I don't know, but I have been able
to locate the nature of their connection.
Both women are
non-fraternal siblings from the same father.
You've located him?
Yeah.
He's here in the state pen.
When is all this yammering gonna stop?!
And he's given you insight?
Well, the biggest thing that I can figure out right now
is he's probably the angriest man in the world, Mulder.
Not as angry as those two women are going to be
when they both realize they're in love
with the one and only Bert Zupanic.
They're both after him?
Yeah, they're both in love with him.
That's why they're both staying
in Kansas City and they won't leave.
Well, if they're the reason,
it doesn't explain what's happening,
what's causing this phenomenon,
or how we're going to make it stop.
Look, Scully, I don't know.
You're the one who's supposed to have all the answers.
Somebody's got to get to that fight
and keep those two women apart
or else this time the is going to hit the fans.
Well, hi.
Mr. Zupanic?
♪ Kansas City ♪
♪ Kansas City, here I come... ♪
Yeah! Yeah!
You said you'd have my money.
I'll have it.
I-I swear I will.
I'll call off the damn fight, Titanic.
I'll have these people cursing your very name.
I'm telling you, it'll be here, don't worry.
I promise.
Bert!
Bert.
I got it.
How 'bout your buddy?
Let's get ready to rumble.
Oh, baby.
I knew you wouldn't let me down.
It's you and me, all the way.
Ladies and gentlemen,
get out your seats and on your feet
for our own hometown boy gone bad...
Bert "The Titanic"
Zu... panic!
Titanic!
Oh, yeah.
Let's take 'em, baby!
Come on!
Go, Titanic!
Betty Templeton.
My name is Fox Mulder. I'm with the FBI.
Can you come with me?
I'm watching the fight.
Don't make me have to remove you, ma'am.
I can't believe this.
What are you doing here?
I'm Bert's good luck.
He's mine.
Over my dead body!
Stop it! Stop it!
You're going down, lady!
I'm going to kick your butt from here to Tuesday!
Stick a fork in you, you're done!
Hi, baby.
Betty.
Bert, keep it up!
I love you, baby!
Bert.
I got the money.
Lulu.
Kick his butt, Bert.
Lulu!
No! Bert!
Oh, my.
Oh, my God.
What?
Why...
50 million anonymous donations
have been made to sperm banks across the U.S.
Most have produced healthy offspring
for single mothers or fertility-challenged couples,
while some of them have not.
Bert Zupanic and his non- fraternal biological sibling,
both small-time bank robbers, part-time pro wrestlers,
both with too many idiosyncratic behaviorisms to list,
stood a 27-million-to-one chance of ever meeting,
but they did.
Damn, those are some odds.
Betty Templeton and Lulu Pfeiffer,
products of different mothers but the same father--
an angry drifter now doing time for counterfeiting--
chanced to meet 12 years ago, but couldn't seem to avoid
each other's compulsively identical mannerisms,
mannerisms attributable to their perpetually angry father.
Mm. What does it all mean?
I've been thinking hard about that, Mr. Saperstein.
I would like to say it has something to do
with balance in the universe, the attraction of opposites
and the repulsion of equivalents,
or that, over time, nature produces
only so many originals,
that when two original copies meet
that the result is often unpredictable.
If four should meet,
the result is... well, suffice to say,
it's better just to avoid these encounters
altogether and at all costs.
I think Agent Mulder would agree with me.
Mm-hmm.